I’m trying to gather bids and other information in order to finish a transaction. Everyone is trying to make it hard for me, but I have gotten control of the situation. It’s clear to me which TV station group must now put in a bid. I can gather the information and get the bid out. I do it. Everyone is cooperating now.

Dream #2

I am taking a multiple choice test. There is only one question on the test. I have to pick A, B, C, or D. I pick C. That is the correct answer. Now I need to expand upon it. I am to write an essay about the topic of answer C.

Patient: I think the first dream is about our work together. I feel that I have been working hard to gather information about myself. I’m trying to listen to my dreams and to the interpretations. I’m trying to synthesize it all into my unconscious and let it steep and filter through. I’m trying to own the material and make it mine in an organic way and at the deepest level. This is so hard. I feel like I haven’t done it well enough.

Dr. Bail: What haven’t you done well enough?

Patient: Gotten better. Lived more correctly. Listened to my unconscious. This month we will have been working together for seven years. Why don’t I have a better life? Where is my sense of grace and peace?

Dr. Bail: You have been working to find grace and to empty your unconscious of the material that your Mother deposited there.

Patient: But I feel empty. So achingly empty that I can hardly breathe. All of the dating was just a way to distract myself from the hole within me. All of the dates and the men were a way to make me feel special. Then I could avoid this crushing loneliness and emptiness. This empty space is not like a hole – it’s big and vast and deep. It’s the Grand Canyon in my unconscious. And I’m all alone here.

Dr. Bail: You are not alone. You have me, that is, the analysis to keep teaching you, and you have God.

Patient: Yesterday I went to the beach and sat at the ocean to talk to God. I do that when I can. My mind was racing. Then I thought these words from nowhere – “You are not alone. I am with you….always”. Nine words. Nine is the Hermit. I was being given the gift of perspective – to see from the mountaintop, to be the Light and to hold the Light. And still, it hurts so much to be me. I keep thinking I will feel well and stay well and then I slip into an even darker place. It’s as if the floor drops out from under me.

Dr. Bail: You have never had the floor under your feet. Each time we start to construct it, you ignore it and do your old patterns. You are like everyone else – you ignore your dreams and the messages from the Divine and you use your intellect. You decide you can do whatever you want. But there is a consequence to that. You feel the pain and the loss of your bad decisions. You feel empty and alone.

Patient: The first dream says that things are changing. It says I am in control of the “bids”. I’m able to synthesize the needed information. Maybe I am moving to a different level of the work with you. Maybe I will finally find and hold the connection to the Divine. Maybe that will fill me up. Finally.

Dr. Bail: Only the Divine can fill you. The parade of men, with whom you have kept company for the last three months, are the applesauce. Do you remember that we talked about your needing applesauce to swallow "your big vitamin pill - your imprint.”? The applesauce was a way to get down the bitter pill – a way to force down your throat the distasteful imprinted material your first mother-in-law wanted to foist upon you. (See essay “Applesauce,” 2008). You wanted the company of men to soften the bitterness of the great emptiness inside you. But the men cannot fill the emptiness. Only God can.

Patient: I married both of my husbands because I thought I loved them. I did love them as best as I knew how at the time. Now I see that unconsciously I was using them to fill myself up. I wanted to feel less alone – less empty. But neither man could fill the Grand Canyon void within me. I recognize this place I’m in now. I’ve been here before, but not at this depth. After I divorced my second husband, I had to re-create my life. I was empty and alone but could stay at the surface – running and rushing to find a place to live, a job, a life. I had to figure out all of the details of starting life over. Now it’s been five years since I left him. The surface details are handled. The emptiness remains and I’m in the bottom of the Grand Canyon of my soul. It’s deep, vast and like a void. I am miserable.

Dr. Bail: You are re-experiencing your imprint and how it felt to be a fetus and a baby and receive the blow of unconscious material from your Mother. You’ve experienced it before – now you feel the chasm aspect of it – this time the experience is emptiness as it was in the beginning.

Patient: It’s not enough to be drawn and quartered and have my organs cut out while I’m alive? It’s not enough to be hit with a club and see stars? It’s not enough to have the dreams from earlier this week and to feel I am being shredded from the inside by razor sharp blades? I cannot continue to suffer like this. It is too much. I am tired of crying and tired of pain.

Dr. Bail: Only by re-experiencing the pain can you bring it up and out of your unconscious. It is important to rid your psyche of a dead space the size of the Grand Canyon. You don’t want to be carrying that inside you anymore.

Patient: Will I ever get through this? I feel bereft and afloat. Maybe I am missing all of the important opportunities of my life because I’m stuck in these awful dead end places and not moving up and out.

Dr. Bail: Everything is on time. You are on time. It’s all unfolding and happening as it is supposed to. You need to remember that you incarnated to do this work – to get to this place. You are in the depth of places that most people will never experience and don’t even know exist. Most people don’t want to know about these places. They would rather live on the surface of their lives and avoid too much feeling. Your suffering is great, but it has a purpose and is putting you in deep touch with your feelings. You and the rest of the world have run your life primarily with your intellect. That has led to disastrous consequences for you. The same is true of our planet. Governments are run by politicians using their intellect. Look at the state of the world – it is dire. The intellect cannot solve anything. The unconscious holds all of the answers. When you feel, you connect with the unconscious. When you clear the unconscious, your capacity for understanding expands exponentially. When understandings at these levels of feeling are married with the intellect, the real solutions become visible – the unconscious becomes the vehicle for God’s messages to come forth and be heard. Then those answers can help change your life just as they can change the world.

Patient: I understand why the bidding in my dream is for a television station. I’m trying to get the broadcast of my life – what is the story that will be telecast to me? A TV station converts impulse signals into a picture.

Dr. Bail: It is the Divine that sends the signals to you, to your unconscious and those that can make a picture in your mind like a TV set. The analysis is a TV station that you are always accessing. I am interpreting your life story through your dreams and broadcasting back the information to you that you need to build a new life.

Patient: And why then do I have to have an imprint at all? Why did God create an imprint and all the attendant suffering?

Dr. Bail: That’s like asking why there are human beings and why did God create us? I am sure there is an answer. One day I trust we will know.

Patient: Is it all about allowing us to have a different experience by enjoying physical bodies? Maybe the problem is that the feeling of being separate in a physical body is confusing. We have the sense we are alone inside of our own skin. We forget the Divine. We are under the illusion that we are alone. We are not. The imprint shatters our connection to our essential self and so tears us from our connection to the Divine, too. By having an imprint and working through its impact, we can find the Divine again? So maybe God created the imprint as a vehicle to find Him again even though we are in physical form? It’s a way to marry Him while still being physical.

Dr. Bail: God gave you the giant suitcase of peaches. Remember that dream? He gives you His love. It is always there. You are in complete control of whether you accept His love, feel it and are warmed by it.

Patient: I guess I picked “C” on the one and only test question because the only question to be answered is how do I live my life with God as the primary guiding force? How do I “see” my life? But why do I have to write a story based on the “C” answer?

Dr. Bail: You might like to write for yourself the story of your life “seeing” things with God as your guide.

Patient: I feel like I’m at the nose of a giant airplane. I’m outside on the tip of the front of the nose of the plane. If I just veer to the left or the right by a degree or two, the entire rest of the plane is impacted dramatically. The wake of the flak that I create is much bigger behind me than it ever was. I used to have more leeway to make errors – the consequences were not as immediate or powerful. Now I feel like the slightest deviation creates an instant major mess. It was easier before when I was less accountable.

Dr. Bail: Being accountable for your life is what this work is about. You are accountable to yourself and to God. Not to me. Not to your birth mother or birth father, only to God. Not to anyone else. You are responsible for your choices. I am showing you how your unconscious has impelled you to those choices. Now you can chose differently. Correct choices will bring you grace and peace. It’s better to be at the tip of the nose of the plane and in control of what you do and how it impacts all that is coming next. To be in the middle of the airplane with someone else calling the shots up front will mean you are not in control of your own life. If you pilot your life with God’s help, you will have grace. Only God can fill the emptiness of the Grand Canyon within you. That emptiness is the extent of your feeling separated from the Divine. No man and nothing else can do it. There is no love greater than God’s and that love will fill in the greatest of spaces and bring fulfillment and true grace. From this place you can create anything in your life and a meaningful life.

(Song playing in my head when awakening: “Lost without Your Love” by Bread)

LYRICS: Lost Without Your Love
ARTIST: Bread

Lost and all alone
I always thought that I could make it on my own
Since you left I hardly make it through the day
My tears get in the way
And I need you back to stay

I wander through the night
And search the world to find
The words to make it right
All I want is just the way it used to be
With you here close to me
I’ve got to make you see

That I’m lost without your love
Life without you isn’t worth the trouble of
I’m as helpless as a ship without a wheel
A touch without a feel
I can’t believe it’s real….

And someday soon I’ll wake
And find my heart won’t have to break

Yes I’m lost without your love
Life without you isn’t worth the trouble of
All I want is just the way it used to be
I need you here with me
Oh darling’ can’t you see
If we had love before
We can have it back once more

COMMENTARY

Once again in these dreams we see the unmistakable link in the unconscious to the Divine and for me it establishes beyond a doubt that our unconscious has come about, for the express purpose of keeping in touch with Spirit - and for whatever purposes we can attach - as for example in the information it can give us in answering profound questions of our lives in the real time of our lives on earth. There is no other tool that can shed the light on our daily lives, on our dilemmas, on our choices and our consequences as the information given us by our unconscious.

This is the most compelling and richest mother lode that has been before us for a century and not seen like "The Purloined Letter" by Edgar Allen Poe.

The patient's dream clearly expresses as do her associations the need to be in touch with Source and the consequent feeling of emptiness as big as the Grand Canyon. The profound sense of loss and despair that seems to have no answer nor does it make sense for this person of a mature age, who has a nice roof over her head, a decent income and people who care for her.

It is this canyon of separation that has ultimately to be breached by all of us for it is the illusion of separation in its greater sense. Mankind has become fixated on its incarnated mother and father, especially when they pass from the earth’s scene.

Certainly one has to grant everyone the right indeed to mourn the loss of parents whom they love, especially if the parents have been kind and loving. But the fact remains that even parents have incarnated with tasks to accomplish in their journey on the earth plain. Here mothers, in the main, have had a more complex task than fathers since mothers leave us with a more or less potent imprint.

To continue with the patient's progress, there were two more events that have to be mentioned and explicated.

One, that she had another dream in which she was invited to sit at the table of a family whom she did not know attending an auction. Later, when she thought she wanted to bid, she found she could not and when she thought she wanted to sell something she could not. It was discovered in our ensuing conversation that she could not because she was not there as a person in her own right. She did not pay her entrance fee. Later still in the dream she could not get a ticket at the buffet table again because she was not there as a solely functioning independent person in her own right. She was still the guest of this family who were indeed her own family.

Second, the patient saw an old movie, "Now Voyager" with Bette Davis. It is a movie that resembles the story of an imprint, which is eventually overcome - all in two hours time - as they can do that in movies. The plot, however, is correct in essence. What I wish to call to the readers attention is the end of the movie in which Bette Davis has fallen in love with a married man (Paul Henreid) and will look after his teen daughter, all arranged by the same psychiatrist (Claude Raines) who had helped her achieve her freedom from a dominating, controlling mother and will do the same for Paul Henreid's daughter. Henreid does not divorce his wife so Bette Davis and he are consigned to spend the rest of their lives devoted to a spiritual love. The telling lines are at the end of the movie when Henreid asks, “Will you be happy, Charlotte?”. She answers, "Don’t let’s ask for the moon. We have the stars."

The symbolism is exquisite and true leaving everyone with a heart twinge, sad but somehow knowing the accuracy of the symbol. But what the writer is saying in this dialog is why can't we have carnal love (the moon), which in reality one can. The answer is why settle for carnal love, which we can, when we can have the love of the Divine (the stars).

It is clear that what I am writing about is not new. There has been a suspicion of it for many years, more so in certain quarters like those who inhabit the spiritual realm. But this work has put a foundation, has put legs and a structure under intimations, whisperings, partial truths and a rectification of utter fiction and falsehoods.

Now we speak to probably the greatest American poet, Walt Whitman, and his noble poem "The Untold Want".

The untold want by life and land ne'er granted
Now voyager sail thou forth to seek and find

I can say in the light of the above information that the untold want is everyone's deepest desire; to be in contact with the Divine. Every human being on earth on whatever continent, of whatever color, whatever nationality, whatever politic, whatever creed, wants the same thing. This is the global wish, and it needs to be announced so that it can transcend everything that is proclaimed as global. It has to be announced so that every soul on earth knows it. This, and nothing else, is what unites us. Now voyager – you! Let us all!